What A Workday Feels Like High On THC Honey
Today is the day I try these High THC Honey Straws that have been sitting on my desk for the better part of a month.
The literature that came with the package read “70 percent active THC and are available in Indica and Sativa varieties. Made with organic, local honey, the Honey Straws can be added to tea, yogurt, fruit or enjoyed straight from the straw.”
11:02 am: Ok. Well, I don’t have yogurt or fruit within arms reach, but I can go to Starbucks next door, they have tea. In fact, they got a pretty bomb Black Tea Lemonade I like to make fizzy. Let’s do that.
11:03 am: Let’s ask Marc downstairs if he’s down:
11:04 am: Marc is down.
11:05 am: Marc wants a warm tea. I decide on the cold tea I raved about at 11:02 am
11:30 am: Cute girl at Starbucks that I see every day misspelled my name. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
11:33 am: Need scissors to chop open these honey straws.
11:35 am: Found a knife in the kitchenette instead. I squeeze in my 10mg honey stick, Marc does the 40mg stick into his:
11:38 am: Got some honey on my finger, licked it — damn it tastes good. You definitely taste the weed (or THC?), but the savory earthiness of it really gives it a nice balance.
11:40 am: Marc heads to his desk, I head to mine. I get to sippin’ pretty quick:
11:41 am: I took the above picture. Looked around. Lighting is pretty dope right now; thanks, Daylight Savings Time.
11:42 am: I’m on my phone. Might as well do a quick Instagram sesh.
READ MORE: A Cannabis Brunch In LA Got Me High AF, Here’s What Happened
12:10 pm: Still on Instagram.
12:11 pm: Munchies are definitely kicking in. Look at this spicy pork sandwich I found:
12:55 pm: I make the verbal commitment to Force Quit Instagram. I have office duties to attend to. I open Slack to virtually check on how the rest of the office is doing.
12:56 pm: I message Marc downstairs to see how he’s feeling:
1:13 pm: I get a calendar reminder for a 1:30pm Web Development Meeting. Shit. My shoulders feel light and I realize how high my body feels. I start contemplating how I’ll make it through that 1:30 meeting.
1:14 pm: I remember we’re talking about a new #foodbeast iPhone app. I get excited.
1:15 pm: I see something shiny downstairs.
1:16 pm: I stand up to get a closer look. I hope it’s food.
1:17 pm: Cookies. I’m pretty sure they are cookies.
1:18 pm: I get a verbal confirmation from some people downstairs that they are indeed cookies.
1:20 pm: I fly down the stair case.
1:21 pm: Yup, the cookie situation checks out:
1:30 pm: I find my way back upstairs and sit in my desk. On my chair, not in my desk. That’s weird nomenclature right?
1:30:33 pm: Look up definition of “nomenclature.”
1:31 pm: Oh yeah, meeting time.
1:32 pm: I walk across the room to the conference table where Chris and Rudy are already going over the meeting agenda. I don’t suspect that they suspect anything. I don’t look high, I assure myself.
1:33 pm: I go for what looks like a communal candy bar sitting on the conference table. I assure the two I’m taking a picture for Instagram, but I’m really just trying to find out what the booty of this chocolate do:
1:35 pm: I mishear the agenda, but I assure everyone in attendance that a bite of this chocolate is the smartest thing to do moving forward. We all take a bite, and the meeting begins.
1:55 pm: There’s something majestic in this meeting. Great ideas. I don’t dare attribute it to the THC honey I’ve consumed. These are my thoughts, this is a collaborative meeting, and all the ideas seem revolutionary.
1:57 pm: I’m standing up for some reason.
1:58 pm: I just heard an awesome idea from Chris, it makes me want to start clapping.
1:58:34 pm: I’m clapping. Stop. Stop clapping; it’s coming off sarcastic.
2:10 pm: Instagram is LIT right now. Lots of funny stuff. Someone serendipitously texted me this image. I share it on the Foodbeast Instagram:
2:30 pm: The meeting is wrapping up. I bow out.
2:31 pm: I’m still bowing. This must have been a great meeting. No pictures here, because I’m bowing.
2:35 pm: I make it back to my desk yet again, somewhat of a safe haven at this point. I feel safe and sheltered, blocking out the world of my office peers with my headphones, sinking deeper and deeper into my chair.
2:37 pm: The package materials on the Absolute Extracts become my new reading material. “Absolute Xtracts’ line of THC Honey Straws contains cannabis extract that is 70% active THC that will get you faded for up to 2 hours.”
3:00 pm: I noticed Rudy has sent me a message I haven’t read. This is it, he’s gonna out me for being high.
3:03 pm: For some reason I’m now recalling an incident in 10th grade where I snuck home during 3rd period, girl in tow, to my parents home. Pressured by the girl, I didn’t know if my mom would be home or not and worried the whole way there.
3:04 pm: I don’t know where I’m going with the above story.
3:05 pm: I’ve now been high for more than the advertised 2 hours. Not sure whether I should be upset at the false advertising, or thankful for the extra hours of goodness.
3:07 pm: Oh yeah—that time back in 10th grade, my mom was out of the house when we got home. The entire duration of my 3rd period escapade I was terrified my mother would come home unexpectedly. Long story short, I made no sexual progress, but I made it back to 4th period without my mother finding out a single thing. That’s how 3:03 pm felt. There we go. That’s what I was feeling.
3:10 pm: Shit, missed a message from Chris. That’s it. I’m now the dude who was high at work, and Chris knew it:
3:40 pm: I wonder what my dad is up to right now?
3:41 pm: What if he walked in to the office right now?
3:50 pm:
4:00 pm:
4:05 pm:
4:30 pm:
5:00pm: It’s time to go home; my work here is done.
5:05 pm: I’m still sitting at my computer, the office getting quieter as people shuffle out.
5:07 pm: The AbsoluteXtracts website has a shop locator. I bookmark it, I shall definitely be re-upping this. Potential business expense?
5:10pm: Conclusion, this stuff will get you high. If you don’t smoke or ingest edibles often, the effects might last longer than intended. I felt high well into the evening hours.
8:00pm: Sleeeeeeeeep.
(next day) 6:00am: Oh what a nice night of sleep it was!
