“Peanut Vendor” Tweets Outrageous Predictions For The New Year, Here Are 16 You Need To See

Most people make resolutions for the New Year (bowl without the bumpers, eat less Chipotle, you know the type). Then, there’s @PeanutsHere, a slightly salty “Peanut Vendor” who’s been Tweeting a series of predictions, puns, and punny predictions for the year of 2016—all of which involve peanuts.

The Vendor, a fun persona created by the National Peanut Board, “discovered the Twitter” back in November and began to release 366 consecutive Tweets on January 4 as his version of a 2016 Social Almanac.

Being individuals of curiosity, we actually read through all of them, both entertained and fearful of the idea that these peanut premonitions could potentially come true. Here are 16 of the funniest, punniest, and just plain nutty Tweeted predictions for 2016 from @PeanutsHere:

Stephen Curry’s 100 Point Game

If/when this happens, we’re probably going to have to throw some water on Curry, seeing that he is on FIRE.  

Coachella Goers Scared of Lighter

Ironically, that older fan was probably terrified when festival goers held up phones instead of lighters.

Chicken Dance For Chicken

Praying to the chicken gods that this one actually comes true. For free chicken, I’ll do the hula, the Cupid shuffle, and the Nae Nae too.  

California’s 1-Minute “Faucet Showers”

Too real. Too soon. Aren’t our newly implemented cactus gardens enough?!

Elephants Escape Zoo

Until February 24, don’t share any peanuts with your tusky friends. We’re betting those elephants were a little too crazy about peanuts…  

Peanut Pacifier

Definitely a better source of protein for your baby than a regular pacifier. And microwavable-safe, too!

Martha Stewart Endorses Peanut Grigio

Martha Stewart thinks fine wine is peanuts. Get it? ‘Cause she’s rich?  

Clowns Outnumber Mimes

Another punderful prediction. But really, when’s the last time you heard from a mime?

Cereal Podcast

If I had to choose between Serial and “Cereal” podcasts, Cereal would definitely win. Peanut butter always wins.  

Fashion Trends

Probably the most frightening prediction out of all 366 Tweets.

A Year In Space

Or, maybe he can learn how to grow his own peanuts like Matt Damon grew potatoes in that Martian movie!  

March Madness

 Making a mental note not to put money on Kentucky.

Oscars

Is this not something that Leo would totally do?! Fingers crossed, DiCaprio.

Daytona 500

National racecar driving legend Bobby St. Junior, Jr. is coming back for throne.

People’s Choice Awards

The Best Movie Snack in our hearts…

Channeling Kim K

Not sure about the Internet, but the Inter-NUT has definitely been broken.

Some of our favorite puns:

Nailed It

*inserts fingernails emoji*

Testicular Cancer Month

Gone With The Wind

Created in partnership with the National Peanut Board

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