Guide To Drinking Like A Motherf*ckin’ Pirate
Set sail for the high seas with these contemporary takes on classic pirate cocktails, based on your swashbuckler level.
If you’ve seen every Pirates of the Caribbean movie:
Daiquiri
Photo: Edsel Little / Flickr
The Daiquiri gets an undeserved reputation for being a weak vacation drink — mostly due to its slushy sister — but this cocktail is essentially a modern interpretation of grog. Pirates often mixed rum, sugary water, and lime juice to make the alcohol easier to drink, rid their casks of water of bacteria, and stave off scurvy. And that’s exactly what you tell people the next time your order one.
- 1 1/2 oz White rum
- 1/2 oz Simple syrup
- 1 oz Lime juice
Pour all ingredients into shaker with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain in chilled cocktail glass.
Bumbo
Photo: Jeremy Noble / Flickr
Yet another oldie, but goodie, the Bumbo is another health-conscious cocktail created by pirates of yore, but can be surprisingly sweeter than daiquiris.
- 2 oz Dark Rum
- 1 oz Lemon Juice
- 1/2 tsp Grenadine
- 1/4 tsp (grated) Nutmeg
In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine all of the ingredients. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass.
If you’ve always had a fondness for treasure maps and scavenger hunts:
Dark and Stormy
Photo: Peter Sheik / Flickr
This drink didn’t surface until the mid-20th century, but its Caribbean roots and seafaring imagery made it worthy of joining this list. The ginger beer takes the warming bite out of the rum while maintaining the integrity of the spice.
- 2 ounces Gosling’s or Myers’s dark rum
- 5 ounces ginger beer
- Lime wedge
Pour the rum over ice in highball and fill with ginger beer. Squeeze in the lime wedge.
(Nouveau) Sangaree
Photo: Daniel García Capel / Flickr
This is not Sangria. Though there are several variations, sangarees are typically less involved than their Spanish counterparts.
- 2 oz Beaujolais nouveau wine (you may substitute another red wine)
- 1 ½ oz apple brandy
- ½ oz gin
- ¼ oz dark maple syrup
- 2 dashes of Angostura Bitters
- thin apple slices
- grated cinnamon
Add all the ingredients to a mixing glass and fill with ice. Stir, and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with thin apple slices and grated cinnamon.
If you’re wearing a hook and eyepatch right now:
Barbary Coast
This is one of those “I’m mostly alcohol and you’re about to call your ex” cocktails. If It’s good enough for 19th century San Franciscan sailors, it’s good enough for you.
But you should probably give your phone to someone else beforehand.
- ¾ oz. scotch
- ¾ oz. gin
- ¾ oz. creme de cacao
- ¾ oz. cream
- grated nutmeg
Combine ingredients in a shaker, shake well and strain into a chilled glass. Garnish with grated nutmeg.
Fog Cutter (Trader Vic’s version)
Photo: Paul Stumpr / Flickr
“After two of these, you won’t even see the stuff.”
These are terrifying words from the Fog Cutter’s creator, “Trader Vic” Bergeron. This cocktail bullied the Long Island Iced Tea in middle school. You can swap out the sherry from grenadine if you want to lessen the alcohol content, but this will still hit you where it hurts without apologizing the next day.
- 1/2 oz Orgeat
- 2 oz gold rum
- 1 oz Pisco (a strong, colorless grape brandy)
- 1/2 oz gin
- 1 oz orange juice
- 2 oz lemon juice
- 1/2 oz sherry float
Place all ingredients with ice in a cocktail shaker, shake until chilled. Strain into a cocktail glass filled with crushed ice and float sherry on top.
