Foodfapping 2012: The Year in Sex-Related Food News

Face it, the best part of not dying during Mayan Doomsday is knowing we still get to enjoy the two things that make this life worth living: Food and sex.

Here’s some of the best, worst, strangest and most OMGWTFBBQ-worthy sex-related news stories we saw this year.

Enter at your own risk.

1. Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

Celebrated on March 14, AKA “Valentine’s Day for men,” the day for all you ladies out there to “show your man just how much you care.”

2. Whiskey Dick, the World’s First Whiskey-Flavored Lube

The guys from Epic Meal Time made a whiskey-flavored personal lubricant, to use on Steak and Blow Job Day I guess.

3. Selling Sex Out of a Food Truck

Here’s a lesson you can take away from this story about a Long Island food truck owner who tried selling her escort services on the side: Never trust the “secret sauce.”

4. Japanese Artist Cooks Up and Serves Own Genitalia

Can you say sausage fest?

5. How to Drink Wine and Not Fall Asleep Before Sexy Times

Thanks to sex therapist Dr. Ruth, you can now drink wine with only 6% ABV, which is apparently just enough to get you frisky, but not enough for naptime. Finally!

6. Don’t Have Sex With Olive Oil as Lubricant — Or This Can Happen

Hint: Don’t make jokes about Pam Cooking Spray either, ’cause ain’t none of this funny.

7. Mushroom or Masturbation Toy?

That’s the question that plagued one poor Chinese news station, who unfortunately broadcast the wrong answer throughout most of Asia. Oops?

8. Chocolate Penis Cowboy Hats – Yes, Really

Say “howdy” to our little friends.

9. STD Cupcakes – For If You’ve Ever Thought About Banging a Cupcake

Brought to us by a few of the grody minds at Eat Your Heart Out, these disease-ridden clapcakes have actually helped to promote STD awareness. Hell, I believe it. Ew.

10. PETA Makes A Video About Carrot Penises

The secret to staying long and strong? Eat your veggies, apparently. Now there’s something you won’t learn about in sex ed.

11. In more WTF Olive Oil News: Don’t Inject Your Penis With The Stuff — Or This Can Happen

Answer: Your penis won’t grow larger and it’ll actually fall off and die.

12. The 50 Shades of Chicken Cookbook

Possibly the only good thing to come out of this year’s 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. Because topless chefs and BDSM poultry? Hot.

13. Chocolate Viagra?

The EU is raring to release a “natural alternative” to everyone’s favorite little blue pill. According to Angus Kennedy, founder of Kennedy’s Confection trade magazine, “It’s an all-natural ingredient which could give men the legendary staying power of some of the world’s greatest lovers.” Mmmm, sounds super sexy.