Flintstones Push-Ups, Thank You For My Childhood

Photo: Thomas Kohler

Until I grew into a freakishly long body and started chasing girls—or awkwardly stumbling after them, to be exact—I could’ve lived off of Flintstones Push-Up Pops (and Golden Grahams for morning nutrition, naturally). That’s all I really remember eating as a kid in the summertime.

And, damn, did I eat.

Some kids handle snacks like drunk birds, where they do things like color-code and set aside Skittles “for later.” I was in the other category of youngins, the ones who eat and live in the moment.

flinstones_2

Photo: Kasey Eriksen

So as a child without any regard whatsoever for “manners” or “sitting still,” I was a constant threat to…well, everything—my parents’ carpet, my grandparents’ couch, pets’ whiskery faces, you name it. It was probably safer to hand me a bomb than dessert. If I had an ice cream cone in my hand, there was only a 5% chance most of it wasn’t going on the ground or the rest of my face.

Imagine my shock and awe when Flintstone Push-Ups hit the scene.

It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if a long-hidden conspiracy arose about push-ups being designed by parent-hired scientists back in the day. Not only were they fun for kids, push-ups were a straight up genius invention.

With its cardboard cylinder, you couldn’t make a mess. There was hardly a risk of spillage, and you didn’t wind up with a sticky face or hand since you were, by way of an elevator-like stick, only methodically exposed to reasonable portions at a time. The pressure was off! With push-ups, I instantly went from deplorable house guest to borderline tolerable.

The delicious sherbet prison concept wasn’t new in the 90s, though, and Nestlé’s push-ups still exist today. But without the friends and family of dedicated employee and doting husband-father Fred Flintstone, it kind of feels like a sham.

Fred and his kin were always there for you, from start to finish, like a good waiter always checking in on you without doing finger guns. Yes, I’d say, I am still enjoying this tasteful amount of sherbert, Fred, thank you.

The whole line-up was near flawless. Fred was Yabba Dabba Doo Orange, Wilma was Limerock Lime, Barney was Raspberry Rubble, Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm split Cave Kid Cherry, Dino was Granite Grape, and then Baby Puss was Bedrock Berry for some reason.

flinstones_3

Photo: Mark Anderson

I always thought it was weird they chose the pet cat over Barney’s wife. Like, was Betty’s raw sexuality a concern for Nestlé, given that she was a stone-cold dime piece who married beneath her?

But like all good things—rainbows, the Beatles, Kirk Cameron’s likeability—they come to an end. That’s why you treasure them. Flintstone Push-Ups hit fever pitch in the mid-90s and it just wasn’t sustainable. How could it be?

Looking back, it feels like their market presence melted as quickly as they did. Yet, if you ate a push-up right, even the sloppiest eater could leave someone’s house with a clean hand and a cleaner conscience.

More content

Products
A Weed-Infused Liquor Just Dropped—And It Won’t Give You A Hangover
1906, a cannabis company specializing in fast-acting edibles, has announced 1906 Spirits, a neutral cannabis-infused spirit designed to blend with cocktails, mocktails, sparkling water, soda,…
,
Eating Out
This NYC Spot Made A Grilled Cheese Tomato Soup Pizza For Fall
Krave It Pizza and Sandwich Joint is getting ready for the cozy season with its new Grilled Cheese Tomato Soup Pizza.  Baked on unbleached, unbromated…
,
CultureProducts
This New Bose Bluetooth Speaker Looks Like A Stick of Butter
Bose, maker of pristine-quality audio equipment, has teamed up with CNC Merch, a company that specializes in unique branded merch and promotional products, to launch…
,
Burger
We Deliver!

Enter your email address below and we'll deliver our top stories straight to your inbox