Fireball Unleashes A New Whiskey Infused With Actual Football Fans’ Tears

It may seem a bit left-field, shamelessly hilarious, and perhaps even slightly insensitive, but Sazerac—the privately held American beverage company behind Fireball Cinnamon Whisky —is reportedly bottling the tears of football fans for a limited-time release of their cinnamon-flavored whiskey. And no, it’s not Fireball; it’s called Crierball.

Yes, you read that right—it’s called Crierball. This bold move will actually be monetizing the heartbreak, disappointment, and literal tears of football fans across the country with a new limited-edition bottle infused with actual tears.

According to the press release, every teardrop is “captured and stored in sealed, sterile jars, then safely transported to a secure facility for distillation,” says Danny Suich, Fireball’s Global Brand Director. After months of sterilization and processing, these salty tears will be blended into the whiskey, set to hit shelves next fall as a tribute to the past season’s losses. Ouch.

One can only imagine the tear surplus from disappointed New York fans after the 2024 World Series. If Sazerac is pulling this off with the NFL, why not expand into MLB and NBA territory to really scale this cheeky release?

A true one-of-a-kind in every sense, Crierball will be available in tents stationed outside stadiums throughout November, where NFL and college football fans can actually donate their tears post-game.

Honestly, I’m not sure whether to laugh, cringe, applaud the creativity, or just feel confused. Somehow, I’m landing on all of the above.