Crunchgate: Cap’n Crunch Makes National Headlines, Insists He is Not a Liar & a Fraud
Dear Foodbeast Readers,
Apparently, we’ve caused a national outrage that some have deemed “the greatest controversy in recorded history.” When we broke the news that Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraud, readers were both heartbroken and shocked that we had the audacity to utter such blasphemy.
Cap’n Crunch is only a Commander, not a Captain? Thanks @foodbeast for ruining my childhood. https://t.co/m6rRhWAupx #marketing
— J.W. Cannon (@cannonjw) June 15, 2013
I don’t know what’s real anymore. “Cap’n Crunch Sails on a Cereal Bowl of Lies [Updated] https://t.co/BlXe8pcCdc via @RELEVANT”
— rachel karman (@RKarSuperstar) June 18, 2013
While others were simply delighted
Is Cap’n Crunch Really A Captain? Internet Fuels Delicious Debate https://t.co/bxkaWjfJVE via @nationalpost #CapnControversy
— Dan Levy (@TheDanLevy) June 18, 2013
As you read this, you’re probably thinking, “All of this fuss and tears over a jolly bearded man in a Halloween costume?” Our answer: This is the internet, purveyor of serious sh*t. At least, serious enough to land the story and cause a plethora of temper tantrums on Huffpo, CNN, Gawker and the National Post (check the comment sections, they’re great).
While we initially lamented over the discovery that the Cap’n was a commander and not the “captain” he claimed to be, many were quick to point out that anyone in command of a ship and crew, regardless of their rank, is considered a “Captain.”
That being said, we apologize for not consulting America’s beloved cereal icon first. Who knew that a two-dimensional cartoon character could cause such a monumental controversy? Luckily, Cap’n Crunch himself reached out to us to set things straight.
.@foodbeast All rumors and misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew – which makes an official Cap’n in any book! #CapnFacts
— Cap’n Crunch (@RealCapnCrunch) June 14, 2013
No worries, Cap’n, we’ve still got mad love for ya — even if you do shred the roofs of our mouths to fleshy bits.
Cheers,
Charisma
Unapologetic Leafs Fan & Lucky Charms Enthusiast
