A couple of years ago we had this small “soul food” all you can eat buffet: The Southern Smoke House. Decent place, always smelled like a sweaty ham, though, and served RC Cola. Some guy came in, ate till he would pass out wake up and start it all over again. Guy had a heart attack and died right there in booth.
Can’t stop the beet
Saw a guy eat the entire bin of pickled beets off an Asian buffet in Lakewood, CO. Huge mound, like 5 inches tall of beets.
The brûlée vacuum
I was at the buffet at The Bellagio in Las Vegas.
An extremely obese man was sitting at a table by himself and not eating.
Until the kitchen staff refilled the the rack of creme brulee. The obese guy immediately got up, grabbed a tray and proceeded to take every single bowl in the rack. Once back at his table, he ate one after another like he was a vacuum. I am guessing he consumed at least 50 of them in less than five minutes.
The difference between Americans and Canadians
I’m from Canada and made a visit to Texas. There I noticed something I’ve never seen before. The real tangible difference between Americans and Canadians.
I went to a Chinese buffet near Houston. Sitting down I noticed to my right a couple eating full plates filled with crawfish.
They must have had three full plates stacked underneath the ones they were currently working on.
I decided to watch and see how much crawfish they could manage and if they could stand up and go for more. They found a good solution, their kids were at the serving area carying more crawfish to their table.
Half an hour later they must have eaten 10 pounds of crawfish between them.
No Chinese food, no… Only plates and plates of crawfish served by their kids.
No pizza for you
I witnessed this at a pizza buffet.
Group of five guys in their late teens/early 20s sat right by the buffet and would dump entire pizzas onto their plates as soon as the pizzas came out. They also cleaned out the dessert bar and emptied the ice maker.
After 45 minutes of this, and having had no chance of getting to the pizza before they did, I asked for a refund and left. The staff wasn’t doing anything to stop these pigs.
Prime Rib & Seafood Night
I work at a small town buffet. Saturday nights is prime rib and seafood (shrimp). We have a regular that eats on average 6-7 lbs of prime rib and 2 lbs of shrimp.
“Gotta live with your mistakes…”
We went to a breakfast buffet for my birthday at The Machine Shed in Des Moines, Iowa. I highly recommend it btw, great food. My friend got a Belgian waffle and started putting what he thought was whipped cream on them. I look at him and say “Dude, that’s whipped butter.” He gets this concerned look on his face and says “Oh…well gotta live with your mistakes.” He proceeds to eat a Belgian waffle with 6 spoonfuls of whipped butter on it.
Another friend took the entire pan of Crab Rangoons when it was brought out at our local Chinese buffet. But he’s a monster tipper so the owners only got mildly annoyed.
The Twilight Hour
As a customer, watching my nephew throw a fit in the middle of a buffet because he thought he could show up at the tail end of lunch and stay through dinner and not have to pay for the dinner portion.
“Just leave already”
I had an ex who got totally shit faced and then went to Sizzler’s with friends for all-you-can-eat shrimp years ago. He ate nine plates of shrimp before the manager came and offered him a $20 gift card to just leave already. He was a super loud, happy, cheeky drunk, and was clapping and cheering loudly for himself with each plate of shrimp he finished.
The Bacon Bandita
Used to work at an upscale buffet Sunday mornings at a golf course. We had a “bacon bandita” who would come and stuff trays full of bacon in her purse wrapped in one thin napkin.
Poor server never had a CHANCE
Sat a table away from a family of three with a clear view of their food. This is a pretty nice place (white tablecloth, $75-100 per person) The lady was heavier, but not quite grotesque, and the son was a pretty normal-looking teenager.
The father, or eldest male at the table was this gargantuan, lumbering, slightly British humanoid. Probably 450 lbs at 6’5″ and, I’m not shitting you, I could HEAR his salivary glands kick into gear when they put the bread down. The poor server never had a CHANCE. Immediately upon placing the bread on the table, Gargantos shot his hand into the folded linen and put the entire loaf on his appetizer plate and requested another loaf… and a Coke.
Now, this bread is damn good. I can understand the enthusiasm. But HEARING this man’s breathing rate change (from around 12-15 feet away) and listening to his voice start quivering like he was trying to hold off an impending orgasm alerted me that we’d have to keep notes on this encounter.
The server was also ours, and impressively, we never lacked for attention, though that may be because of what must have been 60 trips to the table nearby. We were able to ask at the end of the meal what the counts were for bread and Cokes.
Gargantos alone had put down 11 loaves, a total of 18 loaves to the table. Around 10 ramekins of butter, and 20!!!! Cokes.
This fucker had an entire four-course meal IN ADDITION to that nonsense. And this food is RICH food.
By my calculations, I put him at nearly 7000 calories before factoring in his goddamn dinner.
That poor server…
Stories have been edited for spelling and flow.
