A Dirty Love Letter to Dirty Chinese Food

Dear Dirty Chinese Food,

 

I want you. There, I said it. I want you so bad it hurts.

I thought I was done. Done with this. Done with you.

 

I said I was going to clean up my life, make something of myself.

 

Maybe find somewhere with a nice A-health rating, somewhere that’d treat me the way I deserve.

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But somehow I just can’t stay away.

So here I am, just like we both knew I’d be. And guess what?

This time, I’m gonna f—king enjoy it.

I’m gonna have you shamelessly, openly, relentlessly.

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I want you everywhere, all the time.

 

Not in some nice, farm-to-table, pseudo-fusion-gastropub, though, no. I want you on the loading dock in a back alley in Chinatown. I want you in front of the fish tank next to a giant Buddha statue.

 

I want to see the stains on the linoleum floor as I suck out all the juices from between your trembling chicken feet toes.

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I want you spread out over a hot, steaming bed of noodles.

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cf3

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Or when you’re feeling vulnerable and shy.

cf7

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And you know how crazy I get when you’re wet.

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Which, by the way . . .

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Is.

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All.

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The.

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F—king.

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Time.

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God, you’re disgusting, Chinese food.

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And I wish I knew how to quit you.

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I could have so much better.

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And we both know how this is going to end.

But tonight . . . tonight none of that matters.

c13

Just get inside me already.

c17

Sincerely,

 

Me

Picthx authentic chinese

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