A Countdown of the Last 10 Days of Lent, Brought to You By Food Porn
This goes out to all of you who have 10 days left of Lent. Kudos to you brave, brave souls.
Of course, we took it upon ourselves to create a sprawling list of 10 foods you’re probably desperately missing. You know, all that juicy, fatty, creamy bad stuff you aren’t supposed to touch ’til next Sunday? It’s been thirty days, and that’s a really, really long time.
We’d apologize for being so awful but then again, we really wouldn’t.
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(10) It’s four hundred and thirty two thousand minutes without tasting bacon.
That’s right. No bacon strips.
PicThx MyConfinedSpace
No crunchy, delicious bacon bits.
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Not even a single bacon-wrapped hot dog.
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(9) It’s spending 8.3% of the entire year without being able to take an enormous bite out of a big, juicy steak.
So meaty.
PicThx The Culinary Cook
So delicious.
PicThx Last Rick’s Resort
(8) It’s watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy roughly eighty times back to back without being able to eat even one freaking hamburger.
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Or lick a single sesame seed off of this cheeseburger.
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(7) You could’ve made ninety batches of homemade cheese in the thirty days since Lent started, but you haven’t been able to taste a single slice of pizza.
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Even when that pizza has three different kinds of meat and two separate cheeses.
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Even when it wants you so bad, it’s headed straight for your mouth.
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(6) Thirty days of Lent means spending one tenth of the time you waited for the newest season of Doctor Who not eating ice cream.
Just think how many sundaes you could’ve enjoyed.
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Or how many banana splits.
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Or how many ice cream cones melted into sad puddles of neglect because you weren’t there to eat them.
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(5) You could walk from Canada to Mexico in thirty days, which would be a hollow victory if you couldn’t even celebrate with a slice of pie.
And there are so many different types of celebratory pie. Like this buttery, cinnamon-apple pie.
PicThx Sweet Pea’s Kitchen
And this raspberry-blackberry pie.
PicThx Pillsbury
And this chocolate cream pie.
PicThx Blissfully Delicious
(4) Taco Bell has sold thirty million Doritos Locos tacos since you had your last bite of chocolate.
Your last caramel truffle.
PicThx Nutrivize
Your last rich, decadent piece of chocolate fudge cake.
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Your last bite of chocolate-covered bacon.
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(3) Fitness gurus will tell you they could have given you an entirely new body in thirty days, but all you really have is a body that misses the sweet, sweet taste of a warm cookie.
You know you really just want some Oreos.
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And gooey chocolate chip cookies.
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Or even: Peanut butter in a . . . cookie.
PicThx Saucy’s Sprinkles
(2) You can get a free Netflix trial subscription for thirty days, but what good will that be if you can’t eat THIS while streaming TV shows in your underwear?
(1) Point is: thirty days is a really, really long time. And you miss meat. Admit it.
Just look at it.
PicThx Flickr
See how delicious that looks?
PicThx Plainchicken
You miss it.
PicThx A Cook’s Quest
And you know what? It misses you, too.
PicThx Ask Chef Dennis
To all of you observing Lent by giving up some of your favorite foods, we salute you and your sacrifices.
P.S. Don’t forget — You’ve still got ten more days until Easter.
P.S
We know Lent technically ends on Saturday but gosh, who asked you anyway?