I cannot tell you what compelled me — someone who prides herself on walking to the coffee shop a block away instead of taking an Uber — to sign up for a Spartan Race.

If, for some reason, you’re a normal lazy person and you don’t know what a Spartan Race is you, let me fill you in.

In a word: Hell. In more words, a Spartan Race is an extreme obstacle course that combines strength and cardio in one epic race to the finish line. There are three types of Spartan Races: the Sprint, the Super, and the Beast.

Naturally, I did a Sprint, the easiest race. When I say “easiest,” please note that this was still 5.6 miles and 22 obstacles long, so “easy” may not be the best choice in wording.

As with any feat of physical endurance, preparation is key. We got a good night’s sleep (that’s a lie, we just flew in from Tampa the night before, like the bunch of idiots we are) and we ate the right foods.

Well… some of us did.

As an experiment, I took down what everybody on our team ate before the race, to see how their pre-Spartan meal affected their performance. Here’s how we did.

1 . Emma – The Fitness Guru

What she ate: A balanced breakfast of carbohydrates and protein three hours before the race began; oatmeal with one tablespoon of almond butter and half a banana. She also drank lots of water from the moment she got up (at some ungodly hour) to the moment she got to the starting line.

And obviously water. If you don’t know to stay very hydrated when you’re exercising (especially in extreme circumstances like, say, a Spartan Race), we may have to send you back to 6th grade gym class.

Her results: Emma performed extremely well throughout the entire Spartan Race, the best of anyone on our team. Fueled by the energy of complex carbs and a healthy dose of protein, she led our team and excelled at almost every obstacle – barring the monkey bars, because who can really make it across those monkey bars?

             We get it, you’re awesome. (Also, there’s me in the back looking terrified.)

2. Katie – The Muscle

What she ate: For her pre-race breakfast, Katie enjoyed a bagel, egg, and sausage sandwich. She got a good amount of carbs from her bagel, and protein from both the egg and sausage. Katie also was very careful to stay hydrated with Gatorade and water.

Her results: Katie felt she performed OK (although I thought she was a beast), probably because she was well-fueled by her complex carbs, protein, and hydration. The only thing that may have inhibited her performance was the sausage — grease can cause an upset stomach, cramps, and ultimately contribute to fatigue during an intense workout.

And, just to clarify, this was a very intense workout.

3. Andrew – The Junk Food Junkie

What he ate: Lucky Charms, bacon, and an energy drink.

His results: Andrew felt he could have performed better than he did (again, he still finished and did really well), and he fully blames what he ate for breakfast. Honestly, he would be right.

The sugar from the energy drink and cereal probably gave him a quick boost of energy, but weren’t complex enough to fuel him for the entire race. This left him feeling hungry and fatigued halfway through. Also, like Katie experienced, the greasy fat from the bacon caused him a serious upset stomach in the middle of the race. On top of all that, the energy drink and grease caused Andrew painful acid reflux during working out.

Grease and processed foods before a two hour obstacle race? Mark that down as a bad idea.

4. Me – The Over-Eater

What I ate: The morning of the Spartan Race, I had a banana, a protein smoothie, a toasted bagel, and an egg. Then, right before the race (I think my nerves tricked me into thinking I was hungry), I ate a protein bar right before I ran.

My results: While all of these things sound good on their own, all together they equaled something not-so-good. Throughout the race I was far too full, feeling bloated, cramped, and borderline nauseous. Because of this, I had to slow my running down several times, and take breaks during a lot of the physical challenges to try and shake off my painful cramps.

Overall, I finished. I did mostly every challenge (besides the rope climb, because no thank you) and didn’t slow down my baller team too much.

The lesson: everything in moderation. Don’t be like me.

             Me, trying to pretend that I’m not in serious physical pain.

If you’re planning on doing any intense race like the one I stupidly did, make sure you fuel up on proteins and complex carbs in moderation beforehand, with lots and lots of water to keep you hydrated.

Nix the processed, sugary cereals and greasy meats for afterwards — and trust me, you’ll want to eat everything afterwards. That’s the best part! You can justify eating an entire pizza by yourself after you cross that finish line.

Totally worth it.