5 Reasons Being a Turkey for Halloween May Be More Terrifying Than You Realize

1. [Clumsy Cook Turkey Mask]: You could be wandering the kitchen one day just minding your own business when a freak accident finds you up the butt of one tragically raw birdie. You try to call for help but no one can understand your muffled cries. In your anger and anguish you blindly reach for a knife, cut out two eye holes and start chopping everyone nearby to pieces, taking revenge for the spirit of the turkey who now owns your soul.

2. [Gobbler the Turkey Adult]: In a bizarre turn of events, however, even after you’ve killed everybody, you could somehow wind up meeting the sole super-powered crime-fighting chef with enough strength to defeat you. He tosses you in the oven and single-handedly creates enough meat to feed a whole country.

3. [“Gourmet” Turkey Costume]: But your nightmare’s not over yet. No, while eating you, the five people you left living on earth discover you were holding a baby turkey inside! (Yes I know turkeys lay eggs, but come on – this is a story about a giant possessed serial killer turkey mask. Work with me.) Desperate and hungry, they extract the baby turkey and decide to make a “gourmet” turkey dinner with your child.

4. [Pilgrim Turkey Deluxe]: And then they decide to find your head, dress it in a pilgrim’s costume and take photos with it.

5. [Roast Turkey Baby]: But not before finishing the rest of you, getting hungry again and finally deciding to turn on their own children and dressing them up in turkey costumes to continue the tradition. Happy Thanksgiving, indeed.