11 Incredible Ways to Replace Your Significant Other with Chocolate
What to do when love isn’t enough? Drown your sorrows in red wine and chick flicks? Post passive aggressive Facebook statuses? How about something a little more straightforward, and a lot more delicious? Whether your relationship is brand sparkling new, entirely nonexistent, or a little worse for wear, nothing and no one will ever love you as much as you love chocolate.
Chocolate can be cool and collected or gushy and warm. Chocolate will never let you down or make promises it can’t keep. Best of all, chocolate gets along with everything and everyone else you love, from marshmallows to beer . So we collected a list of 11 products and recipes to remind you that chocolate, let’s just be real, would absolutely be the best significant other, ever.
Repeat after me: Chocolate + [You] = LUV 4 EVER.
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S’mores Brownies Are Softies on the Inside and Out
Graham crackers are all right, but the real stars of the campfire have always been chocolate and marshmallows. These S’mores Brownies take all the good parts of s’mores and leave all the boring parts (i.e., graham crackers and shame) buried deep underneath where they belong.
Recipe: Pastry Affair
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12-Layered Chocolate Cake Will Never Let You Down
Sometimes a relationship starts great only to dissolve into an awful, ugly mess. Not so with this 12-layered chocolate cake from New York’s Strip House. Simple and sweet, there are no surprises here, just all good. Alllll goooooodddd.
PicThx: StripHouse
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Dark Chocolate Creme Brûlée Is The Tough Guy With a Heart of Gold
Recipe writer Bee Brûlée describes this chocolatey pot of cream as “so good you’ll want to punch someone in the face.” We’re picturing something with a touch more nuance than its vanilla counterpart. Just be careful not to burn the sugar, since the chocolate custard might make it a little hard to tell.
Recipe: Bee Brulee
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Magnum Double Chocolate Ice Cream is the Ultimate Chocolate Pleasure
Premium chocolate ice cream swirled with rich chocolate sauce and made with rich Belgian chocolate — yes, please! If you’re looking for the most pleasurable way to take your love affair with chocolate on the go, there’s nothing better than a Double Chocolate MAGNUM ice cream bar.
PicThx Dominique Zamora
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Richart Assorted Ganache, Coulis, and Pralines Are Fancier Than Netflix Dates
Richart is a French-based chocolatier dedicated to creating visually impressive chocolate collections that look less like melted cocoa poop and more like the insides of designer handbags. For just $850, you can even get yours in a hand-crafted, seven drawer, burlwood vault. Yay.
PicThx Chocablog
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Chuao Potato Chip, Spicy Mayan, Maple Bacon Chocolate Bars Will Never Get Boring
Maybe you don’t like wasting time. Maybe you’re just multifaceted. In any case, chocolate for you isn’t just a one-trick pony, but a culmination of everything good in the world. Southern California-based Chuao chocolates does its bars up with everything from maple bacon strips to crunchy potato chips to honeycomb. Super fancy.
PicThx: Chuao
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Ferrero Rocher Cheesecake Will Always Love You
No matter how much you tell yourself otherwise, the indulgent tastes of chocolate and Nutella can be too rich after a while. But throw in a subtly cooling twist like cream cheese, and you can stuff your face with at least another pound of the stuff, easy.
Recipe: Ang Sarap
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Caramel Stuffed Quadruple Chocolate Chip Cookies Are 100% Melt-Worthy
The name is as big a mouthful as the cookies are, which is a beautiful thing. These chunky treats ooze with melted chocolate chips and chocolate Rolos. Pro-tip: chilled dough results in optimal, gooey thickness. Otherwise, you’ll just end up with a sad, hunchbacked mess, sigh.
Recipe: Averie Cooks
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Triple Chocolate Cheesecake Will Never Force You to Commit
White, milk, and dark chocolate flavored cheeses set into in one gloriously decadent wheel.
PicThx London Dessert Collective
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Mini Chocolate Stout Brownie Sundae Floats Are Your Favorite Bad Decision
This is what death by chocolate looks like. Just close your eyes and it’ll feel that much sweeter.
Recipe: Half Baked Harvest
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Chocolate Tree Is Like Christmas AND Valentine’s Day
Melt chocolate, pour over ice, let set into jagged, sinuous branches, and call it a tree. At Del Posto in New York, they’ve perfected this process into an art form, resulting in veritable cocoa crags only the hardiest chocolate lovers should dare attempt to conquer.
PicThx Del Posto
