Packaged Food

These ‘Female-Friendly’ Noodles Belong in a Spa, Not Your Mouth

February 8, 2013 // 7:00 am

Japan’s Toyo Suisan has been busy developing a healthier, more nutritious version of the comfort food directed at being, “a cup of noodles for women that helps lift spirits.” Oh great, another “female-friendly” food-item to join the throngs of pink yogurt and energy drinks.

These Hanatua or “humming”…

This Ear Wax Candy is ‘Picked Fresh,’ Q-Tip Not Included

January 30, 2013 // 3:04 pm

The best part amount these lemony morsels resembling ear wax is the accompanying description:

Picked fresh from the inner recesses of a large, crusty ear, these chewy gummy morsels feature a delicious lemon flavor. Nifty ear graphic packets seal in quality!

Oh fabulous! It’s hard to get fresh, high-quality…

Finally, Sriracha Spicy Chocolate Bars

January 24, 2013 // 2:26 pm

Sriracha is everywhere. It’s in your beer; it’s in your lollipop; it’s even in your lip balm. Now, it’s officially in your chocolate, too.

The Sriracha Spicy Chocolate Bar guarantees that “it will make your mouth the happiest its been in a long…

This ‘Sh*t Seasoning’ Right Here, Right Here This Sh*t

January 22, 2013 // 5:43 pm

While comedian Katt Williams has since gone off the deep end, we couldn’t help but reference some of his best shit in the headline; it only seemed fitting. As he would probably say, Big Cock Ranch’s seasoning is some serious shit right here. Depending on your mood, you can…

Haggis Potato Chips are ‘Distinctively Scottish’

January 17, 2013 // 2:23 pm

Yes, haggis. For anyone who didn’t see Brave last summer, haggis is basically Scottish sausage. If you don’t know what it is and you are not an adventurous eater, you probably won’t want anymore detail than that.

Moving on.

Pepsi-Chicken Flavored Lay’s Potato Chips Hit China

December 12, 2012 // 1:03 pm

If you take a walk down the chip aisle, you’ll quickly notice that Lay’s enjoys messing around with different flavored potato chips like its BLT flavor and Spicy Ketchup, to name a few.

Folks in China will have a chance to try the newest flavor consisting of Pepsi-Cola and…

This Peanut Butter is So Hot It’s ‘Not Suitable for Children, Pets or the Elderly’

December 10, 2012 // 1:58 pm

We do not recommend slathering The Instant Regret Peanut Butter on your average PB & J. Unless, of course, you actually want your tongue to disintegrate into a million pieces. This particular peanut butter sauce features the Nagu Bhut Jolokia, you know, the legendary “ghost pepper” that’s…

Bacon Pocky Sticks, Because Everything Else Was Already Taken

December 8, 2012 // 2:11 pm

I don’t know if it’s just that foreign palates are more adventurous, or maybe just foreign marketing teams are, but for some reason every other country gets better flavored things than we do. I mean, milk tea Pocky? Cream cheese Pocky?

And here we are, “greatest nation in the…