Crunchgate: Cap’n Crunch Makes National Headlines, Insists He is Not a Liar & a Fraud

Dear Foodbeast Readers,

Apparently, we’ve caused a national outrage that some have deemed “the greatest controversy in recorded history.” When we broke the news that Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraud, readers were both heartbroken and shocked that we had the audacity to utter such blasphemy.

While others were simply delighted

As you read this, you’re probably thinking, “All of this fuss and tears over a jolly bearded man in a Halloween costume?” Our answer: This is the internet, purveyor of serious sh*t. At least, serious enough to land the story and cause a plethora of temper tantrums on Huffpo, CNN, Gawker and the National Post (check the comment sections, they’re great).

While we initially lamented over the discovery that the Cap’n was a commander and not the “captain” he claimed to be, many were quick to point out that anyone in command of a ship and crew, regardless of their rank, is considered a “Captain.”

That being said, we apologize for not consulting America’s beloved cereal icon first. Who knew that a two-dimensional cartoon character could cause such a monumental controversy? Luckily, Cap’n Crunch himself reached out to us to set things straight.

No worries, Cap’n, we’ve still got mad love for ya — even if you do shred the roofs of our mouths to fleshy bits.

Cheers,

Charisma

Unapologetic Leafs Fan & Lucky Charms Enthusiast

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