The ‘Forever Alone’ Valentine’s Day Drinking Game
Full disclosure: my goal at the end of this list is to make you want to punch something. The wall. Your laptop. The jackass buying last-minute flowers at the supermarket for his girlfriend and his cute coworker. I want you to get so angry that your body becomes a vessel fueled by the universal hatred of single people everywhere, threatening to spill forth from your fingers into the face of the next fat baby angel you see, and then — when you don’t think you can take anymore — you’ll just . . . go to a bar. Or call up a couple single friends so you can all play Edward 40-Hands. Because that’s what happy, healthy, well-adjusted grown-ups do. Really.
DRINK EVERY TIME . . .
Anyone who isn’t your boyfriend, girlfriend and/or significant other wishes you Happy Valentine’s Day
You get invited to a Singles-Only Party
How f–king thoughtful of you.
You hear Taylor Swift anywhere (and add a drink every time thereafter)
Someone posts a Facebook status about how in love they are
Picthx College Humor
Someone calls Valentine’s Day a stupid, corporate holiday and declares how happy they are to be single
Sure you are.
You see one of these bad boys:
You read this list
TAKE 2 DRINKS EVERY TIME . . .
Someone Instagrams their engagement ring (add two if that person is an ex)
Somebody asks why you’re still single
JUST LUCKY, I GUESS!
You go out to dinner and the waiter asks how many in your party
You see someone eating their feelings
You decide to eat your feelings
FINISH YOUR DRINK IF . . .
You end up on Pinterest, looking at wedding stuff
You end up on Thought Catalog, reading “The Perks of Being Single”
You end up on Facebook, creeping on your ex’s new boo
You end up on Netflix, period.
Picthx Doodle Flix
GRAB A WHOLE NEW FLASK WHENEVER . . .
Someone complains about having a boyfriend and not being able to party with her single friends
Your younger sister gets engaged
You wind up beating ‘Dark Souls’
Picthx Polish the Console
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