Sometimes working in web news, it’s hard to swallow when another site scoops a killer story, but even we can’t deny Buzzfeed’s new “Guide to Trading Candy” is awesome.

It’s relevant. It’s deadpan. It’s surprisingly insightful for anyone who’s pondered the connection between someone’s favorite candy and their budding career. (Hint: dark chocolates are future bosses, wax lip-ers will be prostitutes.)

A few other highlights:
-Good & Plenties are not unicorn eggs, as discovered by one poor baby sister who traded her whole candy stash for a box of them.
-Black black no trades back, unless you’re a baby or an old guy.
-“If you’d like to download a PDF version of this chart, please look in your butt.”

Touché, Buzzfeed. Touché.

Dominique ZamoraTwitterFacebook

Dominique would be a foodie if she had money to pay for food. For now, she gets by just looking at food photography, which results in at least one more starving journalism student every time Instagram breaks down.